Some versions collected by Sherman:
Mary had a little lamb
put it on the heater
every time he turned around
he burned his little peter!
(alaska, late 70s)
Mary had a little lamb
fed it castor oil
everywhere that mary went
it fertilized the soil
Mary had a little lamb
the doctor fainted
(above two are from Kentucky, late 1950s. The first was also recorded in England at the same time by Iona Opie)
Opie collected MANY versions of this, including the following:
Mary had a little lamb
you've heard this tale before
did you know she passed the plate
and had a little more?
In America, in the days when Chicago stockyards were first building a reputation as being fairly disgusting (early 20th century), people sang this:
Mary had a little lamb
when she saw it sicken
she sent it to chicago
and it came back labeled "chicken."
But this wasn't the first parody - parodies of this song have been going around since at least 1886, when the following was published in a magazine:
mary had a little lamb
with coat as black as soot
and into mary's cup of milk
it put its dirty foot
Now Mary, a straightforward girl
hated any sham
rapped out a naughty little word
that rhymed with mary's lamb!
(editor's note: get it? she said "damn")
This (and the duck one below), puts Mary and her lamb into the venerable almost cussing tradition that connects these parodies back hundreds of years.
Here're the ones Kay Shapero collected:
From Bruce Holloway
Mary had a little lamb
A little steak, a little ham
A little soda topped with fizz
Now look how sick Mary is!
From Darrel Exline
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Hickory Dickory Doc.
Mary had a little lamb,
The doctor died of shock!
From Charlie Kellner
Mary had an aeroplane
In which she loved to frisk
Now wasn't she a silly girl
Her little *
From Mitch Marmel
Mary had a little lamb
She also had a duck
She put them on the windowsill
To see if they would fu-fu-fall off.
From J. M. A. Guthrie
Mary had a little sheep
And with this sheep did Mary sleep.
The sheep turned out to be a ram
And Mary had a little lamb.
From Cindy Ruth
Mary had a little lamb
Her father shot it dead
Now Mary takes that lamb to school
Between two hunks of bread
From Rachel Force
Mary had a little lamb
She kept it in the closet
And every time she opened the door
It left a little deposit.
From Scott Jacob Loehr
Mary had a little lamb,
Little lamb, little lamb,
Mary had a little lamb,
The doctor was suprised.
Most of these came from the 60s-70s, but I've seen a few of them in books from the 50s and before, too.
Post the ones you knew (or heard from kids lately) in the comments!
I heard this one as a kid in London, ON, circa 1980-1986:
ReplyDeleteWhen Mary had a little lamb
The doctors were suprised
When Old Macdonald had a farm
The doctors nearly died.
Merav - I LOVE that one. Found it just now in a book that dates it back another 10 years or so.
ReplyDelete"Mary had a little lamb.
ReplyDeleteWith mint jelly."
One of Dot's poetry performances on Animaniacs, in the mid 1990s.
(How do you feel about people commenting several months late on these posts? Just found this blog and am reading backwards through posts, and am very amused so far.)
My cousin told me this grim one, it must have been around 2001-2002
ReplyDeleteMary had a little lamb
Her father heard him sneeze
He's burning in a field right now
Because of foot-and-mouth disease
This was in Belfast, when the UK had an outbreak of the disease. Their was a mass cull of farm livestock, which sadly included burnings (I remember seeing this on the way to school, the sight and smell was awful).
Mary had a little lamb
ReplyDeleteShe tied it to a pylon
10,000 volts shot up its tail
And turned its wool to nylon.
And also a variation to one above...
Mary had a little lamb
Her father shot it dead
It came with her to school one day
Between two slices of bread
We used to sing these at primary school (late 90's) in New Zealand!
No idea where this came from, but years ago I heard some classmates singing it on the bus:
ReplyDeleteMary had a little lamb, little lamb, little lamb.
Mary had a little lamb, its fleece as white as snow.
It followed her to work one day, work one day, work one day.
It followed her to work one day, and Mary lost her job.
Here's one i like a lot:
ReplyDeleteMary had a little lamb,
with her it liked to frolic
it licked her hand one day,
and died of Painter's colic
Mary had a racecar
ReplyDeleteThat was painted red
And every where that Mary went
The cops picked up the dead.
and also
Mary had a little lamb
She fed it very well
One day she fed it dynamite
and blew 'em all to pieces
I read these on a camp song website last year
Heard whilst at school back in the late 70's in south-east England:
ReplyDeleteMary had a little lamb
Full of fun & Frolics
One day it jumped a barbed wire fence
And ripped off both it's b, b, back legs
Mary had a little bike
She rode it back-to-front
Every time the wheel went round
A spoke went up her...... skirt
Mary had a little lamb
ReplyDeleteshe also had a bear
I've seen her little lamb
but I've never seen her bare!
I learned it in the school yard in Australia in the late 90's
Mary had a little lamb
ReplyDeleteShe ate it with mint jelly
And everywhere that Mary went
The Lamb went in her belly
Maryland, mid 90s.
Mary had a little lamb
ReplyDeleteShe kept it in a bucket
And every time the lamb got out
The sheepdog tried to.....chase it all round the garden.
teacher training college... 1960s...
Gotta thank Andrew Dice Clay for this version:
ReplyDeleteMary had a little lamb
that lived in her back yard
and when she took her panties off
his woolly dick got hard!
A variant of two above...
ReplyDeleteMary had a little lamb
Her father had a gun
Now Mary still took that lamb to school
Between two halves of a bun
also
Mary had a little lamb
full of fun and frollicks
one day it jumped a barbed wire fence...
and badly hurt itself
and
Mary had a little skirt
split up the back in half
and every time she took a step
the lads could see her calf
Mary had another skirt
split all the way up the front
every time she took a step
the lads could see her c... but she never wore that one!
Collected early 1990s from work colleauges in Oxford UK
Mary had a little kid
ReplyDeleteWith horns and hairy udders;
But that's the kind of kid you get,
From fucking with your brudders
Mary had a little lamb
ReplyDeleteThat followed her to sleep
That Lamb turned out to be a Ram
Now Mary's full of sheep
Boy Scout camp - early 60's
I took piano in first grade and, naturally, Mary Had A Little Lamb was the first tune I learned. My older brothers liked to torment me while I practiced it by singing:
ReplyDeleteMary had a little lamb,
Little lamb, little lamb
Mary had a little lamb
Whose fleece was white as snow.
It followed her to school one day
School one day, school one day,
It followed her to school one day
And now it's fleece is red.
Mary had a little lamb
ReplyDeleteShe took it to bed with her to sleep
The sheep turned out to be a ram
Now, Mary has a little lamb
Sorry, that was supposed to start off--Mary had a little sheep.
DeleteIn Australia mid-90s the library had a book called 'Fractured Rhymes and Ruptured Fairytales' (or something close to that) which was where I first read:
ReplyDeleteMary had a little lamb,
With gravy, mint and peas
Murder! The sheep all cry
But Mary says "More please!"
Mary had a little lamb,
ReplyDeletea little pork, a little jam,
a little egg on toast,
a little potted roast.
Mary had a little lamb
that drank some gasoline,
and then it wandered near a fire
and since has not Benzine.
Mary had a little lamb
ReplyDeleteShe took it to the vets
It would not stop its swearing
The Bastaxx had Tourettes
Mary had a little lamb, whose fleece was white as snow.
ReplyDeleteAnd everywhere that Mary went, the lamb was sure to go
But Mary stepped into the wrong ends,
Got a baseball bat to the head,
And her lamb was cooked for Mr Khans Evening Dinner
Mary had a little lamb
ReplyDeleteIts fleece was white as snow
And everywhere that Mary went
The lamb was sure to go.
One day the price of meat went up
Which did not quite please her.
Tonight she's having leg of lamb
The rest is in the freezer.
(Saw this on the Usenet circa 1990)
Mary had a liitle lamb
ReplyDeleteShe tied it to a pylon.
Ten thousand volts went up its bum,
And turned its wool to nylon.
Similar to what some have said above, in the mid to late 80's at Scout camp in Rhode Island and New Jersey, we used to sing what we called the "Announcements Song" at the campfire as news and announcements were read. It went like this- though I don’t remember if there was any particular order. In between each rhyme, there would be an announcement, like “tomorrow after lunch there will be a softball game on the field in front of the dining hall”.
ReplyDeleteAnnouncements, announcements, announcements!
When Mary had a little lamb
The doctors were surprised
Announcements, announcements, announcements!
When Old Macdonald had a farm
The doctors nearly died.
Announcements, announcements, announcements!
Little Bunny Foo Foo
Hoppin’ through the forest…BANG!
Announcements, announcements, announcements!
Off we go, into the wild blue yonder… CRASH!
I’m sure there were more but I don’t recall.
Mary had a little lamb
ReplyDeleteIt's fleece as white as snow
And everywhere that mary went
Her lamb was sure to go
She brought her lamb to school one day;
The kids let out loud jeers.
The children took her lamb away
And Mary choked on tears.
Mary took the lamb back home
Its fleece was red with blood.
She held onto its broken bone
And swore she’d hurt them good
Mary knew that lambsblood called
Things ancient, hidden, and deep.
As Mary painted signs of old,
Never again would she weep
Mary had a little lamb;
It made her something scary.
Now I dare you, look in a mirror
And whisper “bloody Mary.”
Kilya's post above has been floating around tumblr for sometime, but I can't find a source on it (which is pretty typical for things like this on tumblr, which is sort of like a playground jungle of its own).
ReplyDeleteI read a version in a 50s-vintage book which started off with the above-referenced "a little steak/a little ham" etc. but was rather longer. I don't remember much of the rest, except for a "A dozen raw, a plate of slaw," with a footnote to the raw reading "Oysters, of course, but that wouldn't rhyme." And the last line, which was, "For Mary had a little appetite!" Sorry, have no idea what the book was, it was just a second-hand paperback of jokes and humor.
ReplyDeleteMary had a little lamb she thought it rather silly so she threw it in the air and caught it buy it's willy!
ReplyDeleteMary had a little lamb,
ReplyDeleteA little beef, a little ham,
Cookies, ice cream, cheesecakes three,
Extreme morbid obesity.