Ladies and Gentlemen,
hobos and tramps.
Cross eyed mosquitos
and bow-legged ants.
Pull up a chair,
and sit on the floor,
I'll tell you a story
you've heard before*
One bright day
in the middle of the night
two dead boys
got into a fight
they stood back to back
and faced each other
pulled out to guns
and stabbed each other
a deaf policeman heard the noise
pulled out a knife
and shot both boys
If you don't believe me
this lie is true
just ask the blind man -
he saw it too!
This one was told to me in 1990 or 91 in Iowa, and Sherman collected an identical version dating to the 1960s, but it goes back a LONG time. Like, really long. In Iona Opie's "Language and Lore of School Children" (1959), she lists the following variation:
Ladles and jellyspoons
I stand upon this speech to make a platform
the train I arrived in has not yet come
so I took a bus and walked
I come before you to stand behind you
and tell you something I know nothing about!
One fine day in the middle of the night
two dead men got up to a fight
back to back they faced each other
drew their swords and shot each other
a paralysed donkey passing by
kicked a blind man in the eye
knocked him through a nine inch wall
into a dry ditch and drowned them all.
.
Opie noted that this had been collected in 12 different schools around the UK, but that it had also been collected, with almost no variation, fifty years before. It was probably older than that, too. There was nursery rhyme about two dead horses running a race (with the blind spectators looking on) in 1830, and something similar was noted in the pocket book of a minstrel in 1480
I saw some headless playing at ball
and a handless man served them all
While some mouthless men lay and low
and some legless men away them drove
(My own crude translation of the 15th century English). This doesn't mean that the current rhyme is actually descended from the 15th century joke - it's important to remember that "similar to" doesn't always mean "descended from." But, heck, there's also no reason that this joke couldn't have evolved into the one on playgrounds to this day.
Again, plenty of variations go around - add the ones you heard in the comments! It had morphed into the version I heard by at least the 1970s, but even that specific version is probably a lot older than that.
I heard this from my cousin in 1968.
ReplyDeleteLabels and Jellyspoons,
Hobos and Tramps.
Cross-eyed Mosquitoes,
and Bow-legged Ants.
I have come before you,
to stand behind you
and tell you a story I
know nothing about.
In Fourteen Hundred and Ninety-Three
Columbus sailed the Puddle Gray with
the Star-Speckled Banana Peel in one hand
and the Declaration of Indigestion in the
other.
As Chris was strolling one
summer's night the two dead
boys got up to fight.
Back to back they faced each
other, drawing their swords
they shot each other.
If you don't believe my story
is true, ask Chris and the
blind man for they saw it too.
My Cousin had told my brother and I at the time that he and a friend had made it up, but I suspect that perhaps my Grandfather, who loved jokes may have told it to him. My Grandfather performed on Vaudeville Stages in the 1920's.
I was taught a variation in the third grade. I cannot remember who taught it to me.
ReplyDeleteLadies and Gentlemen,
Horses and Cows,
Cross-eyed mosquitoes,
And Bow-legged fleas,
I come before you,
To stand behind you,
To tell you something,
I know nothing about.
Thursday, which is Good Friday,
We will have a women's meeting,
For men only.
Admission's free,
Pay at the door,
Bring a chair,
Sit on the floor.
One bright morning,
In the middle of the night,
Two dead boys,
Got up to fight.
Back to back,
They faced each other,
Drew their swords,
and shot each other.
A deaf policeman heard the noise,
Came and shot those two dead boys.
If you'd like to know more,
Ask the blind man on the corner.
He saw it all.
I heard it (on a forwarded text message a while back)
ReplyDeleteone fine day
in the middle of the night
two dead boys
got up to fight
back to back
they faced each other
drew their swords
and shot each other.
the deaf policeman heard the noise
ran up and caught the two dead boys.
If you don't think this story is true,
ask the blind man. He saw it, too.
Around 1962 Tim Knoll (b.1950, d. 2001), then of Harper Woods, Michigan, outside of Detroit, told me this version on the playground of St. Peter Catholic School:
ReplyDeleteLadies and gentlemen, hobos and tramps,
Cross-eyed mosquitoes and bow-legged ants,
I stand right before you to sit right behind you,
To tell you a story I know nothing about.
As you know next Tuesday is Good Friday,
There will be a Ladies' Club, strictly for men.
No charge, pay at the door.
Pull up a seat and sit on the floor.
Years later I found the following page about Tim, a member of one of the Tribes of the Cass Corridor in Detroit.
Tim Knoll, 51, was dedicated to family, biking and jug bands
http://corridortribe.com/obits/tim_knoll.htm
Charleston, MO 1969
ReplyDeleteLadies and Gentlemen
Hobos and tramps
cross-eyed mosquitos
and bow-legged ants
I've come before you
to stand behind you
to tell you something
I know nothing about.
This Thursday
which is Good Friday
There will be a mother's meeting
for fathers only
Admission is free
please pay at the door
Pull up a chair
and sit on the floor.
The discussion will be about
four corners of a round table
and two dead boys.
One bright sunny morning
in the middle of the night
the two dead boys
got up to fight
Back to back they faced each other
drew out their swords
and shot each other.
A deaf policeman
heard the noise
went in and shot
the two dead boys
And if you don't believe me
just ask the blind man
He saw it all.
Sa Diego, CA 1980
ReplyDeleteLadies and gentlemen
hobos and tramps
cross eyed mosquitoes and bowlegged ants
I stand here before behind you
to tell you a story I know nothing about
Early one morning
late one night
two dead boys got up to fight
Back to back they faced each other
drew their swords and shot each other
A deaf cop heard the noise
came and shot the two dead boys
If you don't believe my lie is true
ask the blind man
he saw it too
SW Louisiana ~1985
ReplyDeleteLadies and gentlemen
hobos and tramps
admission is free
pay at the door
pull up a chair
and sit on the floor
as I tell you a tale
that I do not know
about two dead boys
who got up to fight
one bright morning
in the middle of the night
They stood back to back
as they faced each other
drew their swords
and shot each other
A deaf police man
heard the noise
came and arrested
those two dead boys
Now if you dont believe this lie is true
ask the blind man
he saw it too!
James AraSmith
ReplyDeleteI learned this versionin Kansas in the 80's
Ladies and gentlemen
Hobos and tramps
Cross-eyed mosquitos
And bow-legged ants
I stand before you
To sit behind you
To tell you a story
I know nothing about
Last Saturday
which was Good Friday
I was driving my empty
Truckload of bricks
Down the back alley
In front of my house
I ran over my dead cat
And nearly killed it
I rushed it to the horse doctor
To see king Arthur
Sitting in the right hand corner
Of a round table
Eating vinegar with a fork
Telling about a woman’s aid meeting
For men only
Free admission
Pay at the door
Pull up a chair
And sit on the floor
Early in the morning
Late last night
Two dead boys
Got up to fight
Back to back
They faced each other
Drew their swords
And shot each other
The deaf policeman
Heard the noise
And came and shot the life
Out of those two dead boys
If you don’t believe
My lie is true
Ask the blind man
He saw it too
The version I grew up with (Kentucky in the mid-60's) started out:
ReplyDeleteLadies and Gentlemen
Animals and Crocodiles
I come before you
to stand behind you
to tell you something I know nothing about.
Last Thursday, which was Good Friday,
the ladies held a meeting that was strictly for men....
the rest is basically the same as the others.
Ottawa, Canada, circa 1972. As told to me by my elder brother. I was about 10 years old.
ReplyDeleteLadies and Gentlemen, Hobos and Tramps,
Cross-eyed mosquitoes and bow-legged ants.
I stand here before you to sit down behind you,
To tell you a story I know nothing about.
This coming Tuesday, which is Good Friday,
There will be a meeting for men only, so everyone's invited.
Admission is free, so pay at the door,
Pull up a chair and sit on the floor.
Now....this is my story.
One bright day in the middle of the night,
Two dead boys got up to fight.
Back to back they faced each other,
Drew their swords and shot each other.
A deaf policeman heard this noise,
Came running in and shot these two dead boys.
And if you don't believe this lie....
Ask the blind man, he saw it too.
No offense to other posters and the multitude of other variations one can find online, but I find this version has better rhythm and timing.
This is My Favorite Version of it Since it makes more sense then any others I've heard, I received it in an E-mail from aJokeaDay.com ☺
ReplyDeleteLadies and gentlemen, hobos and tramps,
Bug-eyed mosquitoes and bowlegged ants!
I'm about to tell you a story I've never heard before,
So pull up a chair and sit on the floor.
Admission is free, so pay at the door.
One fine day, in the middle of the night,
two, dead boys got up to fight.
Back to back, they faced each other,
drew their swords and shot each other.
A deaf policeman heard the noise,
and saved the lives of the two dead boys.
If you don't believe my lies are true,
ask the blind man, he saw it too!
My father use say this all the time, it is a combo of them all. My father was born in 1921 and died in 1979. I have been saying this to my children. there was another one he used to say but all I can remember all of that one is: "Poor little fly on the wall, he ain't got no clothes at all".My father was born and raised in the San Francisco bay area.
ReplyDeletejfnewton@hotmail.com
Ladies and gentlemen, hobos and tramps,
ReplyDeleteCross-eyed mosquitoes and bow-legged ants,
I stand before you to sit behind you,
To tell you a story I know nothing about.
There will be a meeting Next Tuesday which is Good Friday at the round table with four corners
Admission is free pay at the door, pull up a chair
and sit on the floor.
My Dad learned that in school in the 60's and I was just looking it up to see how everyone else said it lol.
My Father had a version of this very same poem and I always loved it when he began to say it. It was similar to some of these others. If I remember right it was something like this:
ReplyDeleteLadies and Gentlemen, Hobos and Tramps,
Bow legged spiders and bow legged ants,
I stand here before because I'm not behind you,
I am here to tell you a story I know nothing about.
George Washington sailed down the Missisloppy River with a Start Bangled Banner in one hand and a speckled banana in the other
and it did have something in it about pull up a chair and sit on the floor.
My Dad dropped out of School in the 6th grade and he was from Bath County Kentucky. He was born in 1922 and died in 1991 of Cancer. He had a version of a poem including all the Soap Operas on TV as well. It was amazing.
Also he had a poem he use to say frequently that is awesome so if anyone out there has never head of this one (When I was young my slippers were red), you might want to Google it. It is awesome as well. Have a blessed day.
I heard this one from my friend...
ReplyDeleteLadies and gentlemen
Hobos and tramps
cross eyed mosquitos
bow legged ants
I stand before you
To stand behind you
to adress you
Not undress you
That next Thursday
which is good Friday
there is a mothers day meeting
For fathers only
admission is free
So pay at the door
Grab a chair
And sit on the floor
I'm here to tell you
About something I know nothing about
One fine day
In the middle of the night
Two dead boys
got up to fight
Back to back they faced eachother
drew there swords
and shot one another
the deaf policemen
Heard the noise
And came to arrest
the two dead boys
If you don't believe
This lie is true
Ask the blind man
He saw too!
My grandfather told my mother this...and she told it to me.
ReplyDeleteLadies and gentlemen hobos and tramps
Crosseyed mosquitos and bow legged ants
Last Teusday early Monday morning
an empty truck loaded with bricks ran over a dead cat
we rushed it to the hospital as slow as we could to find king Aurthor the third sitting at the corner of a round table eating vinegar with a fork.
Ladies and gentlemen, hobos and tramps, cross-eyed mosquitoes and bow-legged ants: I am here before you, to stand behind you, to tell you something I know nothing about. Next Thursday being in the good week of Friday, there will be a ladies convention for men only. Admission is free, so pay at the door, pull up a seat and sit on the floor.
ReplyDeleteNow I may begin.
Christopher Cucumber sailed down the missasloppy river with a Star-Speckled Banana in one hand
and the Declaration of Indigestion in the
other.
One fine day in the middle of the night, two dead boys got up to fight. Back to back they face to face, they pulled out their swords and shot one another. The deaf cop down the street heard the noise and came to arrest the two dead boys. If you don't believe this story is true, ask the blind man, he saw it too.
I heard this as a child in Dalton, GA. It would have been sometime between 1988 and 1993.
DeleteLadies and Jellybeans,
ReplyDeleteHobos and tramps,
crosseyed mosquitos and bow legged ants.
I stand here behind but not before you
to tell you a story I kow nothing about.
Last night at about one o'clock this morning
an empty dump truck filled with bricks
ran over a dead cat which we rushed to the hospital
deperately trying to save its life, and there we found
King Arthur, eating vinegar with a fork.
My dad told me this one. I think he got it in an
e-mail.
St. Louis Mo. Actually just south of StL. Arnold Mo. In the middle 1960's
ReplyDeleteMy version goes something like this:
Ladies and jellybeans, hobos and tramps, cross-eyed bug beans and bow legged ants---I am hear to tell you a story I've never even heard about---It's about George Washingmachine crossing the Mississloppy River and in his hand he held the star spangled banana.
And then:
Ladies and jellybeans, hobos and tramps, cross-eyed bug beans and bow legged ants---I am here to tell you a story I've never even heard about---one dark day in the middle of the night two dead boys got up to fight, they drew their swords and shot each other---a deaf policeman heard the noise and came to arrest the two dead boys---and if you don't believe me ask the blind man, he saw it all!
My buddy Pat taught me this stuff and the teacher let us tell it to the class!!!
I am 57 years old and I can't believe I remember these things or not!!!
I wish I knew where Pat got the jokes---but I don't---did i mention I am 57 years old---Bruce,Greenwood Arkansas.
One bright morning in the middle of the night
ReplyDeleteTwo dead boys came out to fight
Back to back, they faced each other
Drew their swords and shot each other
One deaf policeman heard this noise
And came and shot those two dead boys
If you don't believe this lie is true
Ask the blind man, he saw it too!
Circa 1990
I learn this around 1970 from my friends on my block:
ReplyDeleteLadies and gentlemen, hobos and tramps
beetles and roaches and bold legged ants
this is a story I know nothing about
so pull up a chair and sit on the floor
admission is free so pay at the door
One bright sunny morning in the middle of the night
two dead men got up to fight
one was blind, the other couldn't see
so they picked a dummy for referree
back to back they stared at each pother
pulled out a knife and shot one another
the blind policeman who heard the noise
pulled out a gun a stabbed the boys
If you don't believe these lies which are true
ask the blindman he saw them too
Ladies and Gentlemen, Horses and Cows
ReplyDeleteI stand before you and sit behind you
and tell you something I know nothing about.
Tuesday, which is also Good Friday, there
will be a meeting of the Women's Club,
for men only. Admission is free...
Pay at the door. Pull up a chair... And
sit on the floor.
There will be a speech about George Washington
sailing down the missessloppysliver River
Singing the Star Spangled Banana.
I heard this in Worcester, in late 2012 by my science teacher
ReplyDeleteLadies and gentlemen, Hobos and tramps,
Crossed mosquitoes and bow legged ants.
I come before you to stand behind you to tell you something I know nothing about.
One bright morning in the middle of the night.
Two dead heroes began to fight.
Back to back they faced each other.
Drew their swords and shot each other.
A deaf policeman heard the noise, and came and shot those two dead boys.
If you don't believe me ask the blind man; He saw it all.
So don't you laugh when a hearse drives by, for you may be the next to die.
They'll wrap you up in a big white sheet.
Then bury you down about 6 feet deep.
It all goes well for about one week, then your coffin starts to leak.
The worms crawl in the worms crawl out.
The worms play pinocle on your snot.
You turn a slick and slimy green.
Puss comes out like whipping cream.
All at the end of a beautiful day,
And me without my spoon
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteIt's been awhile, but I think I got it mostly right. My father told me this one, it was probably 10 - 15 years ago. I actually got in a huge discussion with a teacher once who wasn't letting me use this for an assignment because I couldn't find an exact quotable version
ReplyDelete"Ladies and Gentlemen, Hobos and Tramps.
Cross-Eyed Mosquitoes and Bull Legged Ants.
I stand before, to sit behind you, to tell you a story I know nothing about.
Admission is free so pay at the door.
Pull up a seat and sit on the floor.
One fine day in the middle of the night, three dead men got up to fight.
They drew their swords and shot each other.
A deaf policeman who heard it all came to rescue the three dead men.
If you do not believe my story is true, ask the blind man, he say it all to."
My Grammy told me this one.... perhaps she was just plain off kilter...but I laughed and remembered it... nonetheless.
ReplyDeleteLadies and Gentlemen
Hobos and Tramps
Cross Eyed Mosqeeters (Say it right y'all)
and bow legged ants,
I come before you
to stand behind you
To tell you sometin (wink)
I know nothin' about...
Early this mornin'
Abour 4pm...
an empty truck
loaded with bricks
Ran over my poor dead cat
We rushed him to the hospital
as slowly as possible
...But when we got there
we saw Ole' King Cole
Under the table tryin' to eat
vinegar with a fork.
Ladies and Gentlemen,Hobos and Tramps,
ReplyDeleteCrosseyed mosquitoes and bowlegged ants.
As I stand here before you and not behind you,
I'll tell you a story I know nothing about.
One bright morning, late at night,
two dead boys got up to fight.
They faced each other back to back,
Drew their swords and shot each other.
A deaf policeman heard the noise,
And came and killed the two dead boys.
This was taught to me by my mother and always recited by the whole family on long car trips - to keep us kids from fighting with each other, I'm sure. It would have been in Arkansas in the 1960s, when cars didn't have anything that would make trips more comfortable, and even radio stations were few and far between.
ok ok
ReplyDeleteLadies and gentlemen
Hobos and tramps
Cross-eye grasshoppers
And long-legged ants.
I come before you
To stand behind you
To tell you a tale
I do not know.
So pull up a chair
And sit on the floor
I'll start with my tale
And tell you no more.
One dark night in the middle of the day
Two dead boys got up to play.
Back to back they faced each other
Drew their swords and shot each other.
A deaf policeman heard the noise.
Came running and shot those two dead boys.
If you do not believe this tale is true,
Ask the blind man...he saw it too.
This has been going on in my family (from the Chicago area originally, late 1940's) for at least 5 generations and will probably continue and spread out as we have done.
This was told to me by my dad in the mid 70's in Tennessee
ReplyDeleteLadies and Gentlemen hobos and tramps
cockeyed mosquitoes and bowlegged ants
I've come here to stand before you
Sit behind you
and tell you a story I know nothing about
Admission is free
Pay at the Door
Bring your own seat
And sit on the floor
One fine Day in the middle of the night
Two dead boys got up to fight
Back to Back they faced each other
Drew their swords and shot each other
The deaf policeman heard the noise and
Came to shoot the two dead boys
If you don't believe my tale is true
Ask the blind man he saw it too.
Ladles and jellyspoons, hobos and tramps,
Deletecross-eyed mosquitos and bow-legged ants,
I stand before you to sit behind you
to tell you something I know nothing about.
Next Thursday, which is Good Friday,
there's a Mother's Day meeting for fathers only;
wear your best clothes if you haven't any.
Please come if you can't; if you can, stay at home.
Admission is free, pay at the door;
pull up a chair and sit on the floor.
It makes no difference where you sit,
the man in the gallery's sure to spit.
The show is over, but before you go,
let me tell you a story I don't really know.
One bright day in the middle of the night,
two dead boys got up to fight.
(The blind man went to see fair play;
the mute man went to shout "hooray!")
Back to back they faced each other,
drew their swords and shot each other.
A deaf policeman heard the noise,
and came and killed the two dead boys.
A paralysed donkey passing by
kicked the blind man in the eye;
knocked him through a nine-inch wall,
into a dry ditch and drowned them all.
If you don't believe this lie is true,
ask the blind man; he saw it too,
through a knothole in a wooden brick wall.
And the man with no legs walked away.
for a school project
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteLadies and Jellybeans,
ReplyDeleteHobos and Tramps,
Cross-eyed mosquitoes,
and bow-legged ants,
I'm here to address you,
and not to undress you,
about an incident that happened last night,
about three in the morning,
I ran over a dead cat and nearly killed it
I rushed it to the hospital and who did I see
but King Arthur sitting at the end of a round table
Eating vinegar with a fork
(Passed to me from my mom, who is from east Iowa.)
My mom was born in 1962 and she picked it up when she was young from the kids in her neighborhood (Manchester, IA), who were always layin down the limericks.
DeleteLadies and gentlemen, hobos and tramps, cross-eyed mosquitoes and bow-legged ants: I am here before you, to stand behind you, to tell you something I know nothing about
DeleteIn the darkness, at the middle of day a slow garbage truck came speeding towards my house, hit my dead cat and almost killed him
We got to the vets just in time to have puppies, when we got home we sat at the corners of our round kitchen table to eat our plate of vinegar with a fork
(Got this version from my teacher)
Heard in 2006, Northwestern PA:
ReplyDeleteLadies and gentlemen,
Reptiles and crocodiles,
I stand before you, not behint you,
I am here to address you, not undress you!
On Wednesday, which is Good Friday,
There will be a ladies meeting for MEN ONLY,
So pull up a chair and sit on the floor.
The guest speaker for the event will be Benjamin Cucumber,
Who will speak on his adventures sailing up the Mississloppy River.
There he saw two dead boys pull out their swords and shoot each other.
Two deaf policemen, who heard the noise, pulled out their knives, ran over, and shot those two dead boys.
I heard this from my dad
ReplyDeleteI come before you, to stand behind you,
To tell you something I know nothing about.
Next Thursday, which is Good Friday,
There will be a mothers' meeting for fathers only.
Admission is free, pay at the door,
Pull up a seat and sit on the floor.
We will be discussing the four corners of the round table.
Ladies and Gentlemen
ReplyDeleteAlligators and Crocodiles
I come before you
To stand behind you
And show you the hairs on my bald head
Thursday being Good Friday
There'll be a mother's meeting for men only
3, pay at the door
Bring your own seats and sit on the floor
Eating hot potatoes raw
Boiled beef and cabbage
The mute with no-legs stood and told this tale
ReplyDeleteHe guaranteed us success so you surely will fail.
Admission is free so pay at the door
Just pull up a chair, and sit on the floor.
I'll whisper a story he said with a shout
These lies are the facts, there isn't a doubt
Ladies and Gentlemen, Horses & Cows
Bow-legged beetles and cross-eyed owls
One bright morning in dark of the night,
The two dead boys woke up to fight.
Back to back they faced each other…
Drew their swords and shot each other.
A deaf policeman heard the noise
He came and killed the two dead boys
You don’t believe this lie is true??
Ask the blind man, he saw it too.
The mute with no legs spoke for 21-days
Then she put on her shoes and just walked away.
Here's another version:
ReplyDeleteLadies and Gentlemen,
Hobos and Tramps,
Cross-eyed mosquitos and Bowlegged Ants.,
I sat here before you
'Cause I don't stand behind you
To tell you a sad story
I know nothing about.
Last night, about two o'clock this morning
An empty truckload full of bricks came through my backyard
And ran over my dead cat.
We slowly rushed him to the hospital and there
He died in his bed.
One bright day in the middle of the night. Two dead boys got up to fight back to back they faced one another they drew their swords and shot each other a deaf policeman, he heard the noise and he came and he killed those two dead boys
ReplyDeleteI heard it in the eighties. I can't believe I still remember it.
ReplyDeleteLadies and gentlemen,
hobos and tramps.
Cross eyed mosquitos
and bow-legged ants.
Let me share an account
I know nothing about
Pull up a chair,
and sit on the floor,
One bright day
in the middle of the night
Two dead boys
got up tofight
Back to back
they faced each other
Reached for their guns
and stabbed each other
A deaf policeman heard the noise
pulled out his knife and shot both boys
If you don't believe
this lie to be true
Just ask the blind man -
he saw it too!
Mom taught me this and she learned it in the 70's in st Louis Missouri. Ladies and gentlemen
ReplyDeleteHobos and tramps
Cross-eyed mosquitos
And bow-legged ants
I stand before you
To sit behind you
To tell you a story
I know nothing about
Last Saturday
which was Good Friday
I was driving my empty
Truckload of bricks
Down the back alley
In front of my house
I ran over my dead cat
And nearly killed it
I rushed it to the horse doctor
To see king Arthur
Sitting in the right hand corner
Of a round table
Eating vinegar with a fork
Telling about a woman’s aid meeting
For men only
Free admission
Pay at the door
Pull up a chair
And sit on the floor
Early in the morning
Late last night
Two dead boys
Got up to fight
Back to back
They faced each other
Drew their swords
And shot each other
The deaf policeman
Heard the noise
And came and shot the life
Out of those two dead boys
If you don’t believe
My lie is true
Ask the blind man
He saw it too
Ladels and jellyspoons
ReplyDeleteHobos and tramps
Cross-eyed mosquito's and
Bowlegged ants
I stand here before you
To sit there behind you
And talk on a subject
I know nothing about:
One dark day in the middle of the night
Two dead boys set out to fight
Back to back they faced each other
Drew their swords and shot each other
One deaf policeman heard this noise
And came and killed those two dead boys.
If you don't believe this lie is true
Go ask the blind man, she saw it too.
(near Houston, late 1980's)
ReplyDeleteOne bright day in the middle of the night
Two dead men got up to fight
Back to back they faced each other
Drew their swords and shot each other
A deaf policeman heard the noise
He came and killed those two dead boys
Don't believe this lie is true?
Just ask the blind man
He saw it too
This is how I recall learning it in the 80's from my father, who grew up in WV and was born in 1946. The part in brackets is the part I don't remember as well.
ReplyDeleteLadies and jellybeans, hobos and tramps,
Cross-eyed bedbugs and bow-legged ants:
I've come before you to stand behind you
To tell you something I know nothing about.
[There will be a meeting of the Women's Club for men only.]
There will be a speech for the deaf and a movie for the blind.
The movie will be about George Washing Machine crossing
the Missisloppi River.
In his right hand, he holds the Declaration of Indigestion.
In his left hand, he holds the Star-Spangled Banana Split.
There are plenty of seats, so sit on the floor.
Free admission, so pay at the door.
I learned this in the 80s from my father, who grew up in WV and was born in 1946. The part in brackets is what I don't remember clearly.
ReplyDeleteLadies and jellybeans, hobos and tramps,
Cross-eyed bed bugs and bow-legged ants.
I've come before you to stand behind you
To tell you something I know nothing about.
[There will be a meeting of the Women's Club for men only.]
There will be a speech for the deaf & a movie for the blind.
The movie will be about George Washing Machine crossing the Mississippi River.
In his right hand, he holds the Declaration of Indigestion.
In his left hand, he holds the Star-Spangled Banana Split.
There are plenty of seats, so sit on the floor.
Free admission, so pay at the door.